That Sinking Feeling

You know that feeling of absolute dread and horror that comes over a mother?  The feeling of not being in control and not knowing what is happening or how to stop time so you can figure it out??  Well, I had that tonight.  Thankfully for just a handful of minutes.

Mae and Caleb had finished their homework and I heard the front door close behind them as they headed out to play.  No one told me where they were going or what they were doing, but I assumed it was the usual, across the street to play with the neighbor kids.

It's gets dark sooner now that we are observing Daylight Savings.  "Dark" is now a little after 5:00, and it was about 5:15 when I closed the blinds around the house and headed outside to call the kids in.  I did not see or hear them in the neighborhood.  I called out and no one came running.  I went to the neighbors house to see if Mae and Caleb had gone inside to play, but the boy that came to the door said they were not there.

At this point I start telling myself not to freak out, the kids are probably playing quietly in the backyard at home.  That's what I do, I shove freaked-out emotions away and tell them that there is a reason for what is going on and that they are not needed here.  And usually I'm right and freaked-out-emotions never get the chance to surface.  But tonight they came out a little bit, for the kids were not in the backyard.

At this point Ryan gets his jacket on and heads out front and starts yelling their names.  And yelling their names.  My mind doesn't want to freak out but the thoughts start coming too fast to control.  Like angry bees out of a hive, I start thinking.....have I taught them enough to survive a horrible situation?, do we need to call the police?, can I check at the neighbors one more time?, it's getting dark, can someone please turn the light back on so I can find my kids??!?!?!!

As I head back outside and to the street where Ryan is yelling, I begin to hear the kids.  Then I see them as they emerge from the neighbors backyard.  Relief floods in and sweeps the bees of fear away.  Then after talking with the kids about telling us where they are going, I get shaky with relief and fear again as my mind replays the reels of the last five minutes and what could have happened.

Thank you, Lord, for watching over Mae and Caleb.  Thank you that this situation turned out well.  Thank you that my children are home and safe tonight.  Amen