Last night we gathered with our home group to do a little after-Christmas celebration. Since it is now closer to New Years than Christmas, we each shared the things we've gone through this past year and what we've learned. It was amazing to recount our stories with each other and how we all seemed to come to the same conclusion - God is Good.
As I listened to my friends share their stories I was reviewing my own in my mind, preparing for my own time to share. It truly is amazing to think back over this past year and see how the Lord was not only with me during each trial and difficult time but also that he is an amazing orchestrator in how he brings those things together with his plan for my life and makes the ugly and hard things into something beautiful.
The first major difficulty of this year really began in the fall of 2008, when Ryan began to have some nasty sleep issues. The problem got worse as he began to take Ambien to help him sleep. As it did help him sleep it also gave him really bad side effects and he began to get severe anxiety to the point of paranoia and panic attacks, among other frightening physical side effects. Even in the midst of all this, when I prayed all I could pray and was at the end of myself in anything I could do to help my husband, the Lord was still with us. When at that scary point of complete dependance upon the Lord, He was there. He knew what was going on even when I didn't, and carried me through.
Somehow, through the Lord's guidance, Ryan did research on Ambien and found that he had become dependent on it, to the point of addiction (even though his doctor disagrees with him to this day). After doing research and much prayer, Ryan found a way to step down off the drug. Even during this time I was still in awe of how even though I was unaware of what is going on and was helpless to do anything about it, the Lord is still with us and guiding me though each day. I have learned, once again, to trust Him with my life and the lives of those I love.
The other major battle I've been through, again, didn't start with 2009. It began back when we moved here three years ago. Since moving into the rental house, I had a mindset of it being temporary, that we'd soon buy a house and move out. What should have been only one year turned into to three plus. Buying a house always seemed to be six months out, just out of reach. Many times I've had to learn to be content with where the Lord had us, and for that three years and three months it was in the rental house.
Again, I am amazed at how the Lord times things to perfection. I could never, in my own way of thinking and planning, ever come to the beautiful end to this story. I continue to learn that my ways are not His ways, and his way is much better than mine could ever be!
This home-owning journey has certainly been a roller coaster for me. One day I am depressed about it because I'm not where I want be. Then the next I'm giving it up and trusting the Lord for his timing and provision. Up and down, I tell ya! Then!, then!.....we finally get to the point of 'yes! we can buy!'. Then the emotional journey of letting go truly begins. How hard it is to see a house and get attached, and all before the offer is submitted. Only to get into a battle of offers with the bank and then to get passed over because, although our offer was 20k OVER asking, it wasn't high enough. In the end, we put offers on a total of four houses. Talk about letting go and trusting God!!!
I could go into more detail on both of these journeys of faith, but in the end the conclusion is the same - God can be trusted in all areas of my life, and He is good no matter the situation. As I look forward to yet another new year, I have no idea what is ahead but I take with me what I've learned and know that each day is an opportunity to trust Him, yet again.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
Psalm 34: 7-9